Where am I going with this?

These last few weeks have been really bad. Nothing seems to work out for me and I see people around me reaching their dreams while I feel like I'm in a hole with no way out.
But sometimes we really need to remind ourselves why we have chosen the paths that we have and do we keep pursuing our dreams.

Last four years have been a lowpoint for me and trying to get out of this cycle is hard. Even if a lot has improved this year, a lot has also moved out of place. For instance I'm struggling to find balance between school and training, because everytime I happen to get a chance to go to school I seem to not find time for trainings and if I'm somewhere training, I am not in school.
But even if I feel like I haven't improved as much as I could, I keep on going and find a way to get to my dreams.
Other thing is showing my improvement which is actually even tougher. I don't know for what reason I can't give all out in competition.
In trainings, everyone can see my improvement, but I have so much trouble bringing this out in the competition. So it's a thing to work on for the future.

A thing that makes me so happy is that I can support my closest ones around me. Even if I'm not physically in Vail right now I'm cheering for them anyway. Yay!

Lots of people have asked me what I'm going to do next year as I'm finishing high school in the end of June. I have decided to take a year off to see where I can reach in skiing and to really thing about future ahead. I am probably going to travel between Italy (where my team is at) and Estonia a lot and I am also taking a year of to regain my wanting to study (these last 12 years have really burned me out)

Right now I have encountered a small problem with my back, but I'm positive that this will be resolved quickly and I can be in good shape for the Junior World Championships soon. I will try my very best to do good runs.